Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
