no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
