i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
