Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I checked into jail on foursquare
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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