and next time when you feel me up, do it right
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
