Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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