I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
