You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
