I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
