she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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