I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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