I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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