a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
