I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
