I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
