He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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