why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize