I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
