I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
