It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
