I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
