great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
