I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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