yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
