oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
