Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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