Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
