Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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