Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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