so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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