Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
