if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
