Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
two words...techno handjob
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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