There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
