I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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