Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
