The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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