please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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