spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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