And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
