Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
