we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
