how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
