Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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