If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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