Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
