he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
