I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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