i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Found the puke drawer
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Terrible idea I love it
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
