First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
