don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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