After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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