my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
