update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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