If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
