you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
