ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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