Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
