I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't deserve a penis
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
