I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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