Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
