i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
