There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
