Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
