Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
