Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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