Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
